


Cursed Words to Ever After

by JehBeeEh



Series: STB Bingo [13]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Bittersweet Ending, Death from Old Age, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Multi, Off-Screen Major Character Death, Reverse Soulmates, Soulmate-Identifying Marks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-09
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-15 11:02:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,495
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29932455
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JehBeeEh/pseuds/JehBeeEh
Summary: Everyone knows you get your soulmate's last words on your body after they're spoken to you. But what happens when someone is born with them on their skin?
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers/Tony Stark, James "Bucky" Barnes/Tony Stark, Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Series: STB Bingo [13]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2035576
Comments: 21
Kudos: 87
Collections: STB Bingo: Round One, Tony Stark Bingo Mark IV





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi all! Hope you are enjoying this, frankly bizarre week. Guess it's fitting this would get posted on this odd week.
> 
> Yes, you read that tag right. But, let me explain. The prompt that started this was 'Reversed Soulmates'. One of the iterations I saw was that you get the very last words your soulmate would ever say to you on your body. Major angst potential, right? How about if we throw in 2 time travelling super soldiers in the mix? So yes, there is a bit of angst, some emotional h/c, and also 3 lives lived long and happy. So our MCD is not gruesome or angsty or sad per se. It is bittersweet like all endings are, but not for lack of love, I promise you that. BUT, I know that is still heavy for some. So, this is split into 2 parts. Read through Chapter 1, get the general idea, think of all the beautiful things that can and will happen to our boys, and the happily ever after remains. Go on to Chapter 2 for a bit of angst, some sadness, but a life well loved (and no 'on screen' death, I promise. It shall continue living rent free in my head on a loop for a while, but I've spared you all).
> 
> I genuinely hope you will enjoy it. It was a departure, but a fun different one. Please let me know what you thought :) All errors are my own. I've been re-reading it obsessively for the past few days, and I don't even know if it makes sense anymore, but hopefully it's not too horrible.
> 
> STB Square I1 - Hurt/Comfort
> 
> TSB Details:  
> Name of Piece: Cursed Words to Ever After  
> Card Number: 4058  
> Name of Participant: JehBeeEh  
> Square Number: R5 - Reverse Soulmates  
> Rating: T  
> Pairing: Steve/Tony/Bucky  
> Warning: MCD (off screen), angst, hurt/comfort  
> Summary: Everyone knows you get your soulmate's last words on your body after they're spoken to you. But what happens when someone is born with them on their skin?  
> WC: 9500

When Steven Grant Rogers was born, his mother knew he was special.

Sure, she had no way of knowing he would one day become a force to be reckoned with for the US Armed Forces after undergoing a highly experimental process that should have killed him. No one really expected the scrawny baby and perpetually sick child to survive his teens, let alone his twenties, but Sarah Rogers always believed her son was destined for great things.

When Steve was born with an odd black mark on his arm, no one thought much of it. They all knew of soulmarks and how they seemed to only appear after you'd spoken your final words to your destined soulmate, but no one paid them much mind truly. The line on Steve's arm remained unmoving until he was a toddler, his arms so small and thin it couldn't have accommodated anything more than the slightly thickening line anyways. Sarah never fussed about the possible soulmark Steve was born with, doctors assuring her it was the least of her son's worries.

Steve grew up and developed health issue on top of health issue, narrowly escaping worst case scenarios more times than he and his mother wanted to recount. When he turned ten, a word finally appeared on Steve's arm, causing him worry. This was when he learned another boy in his neighborhood had the same thing happen to him. They became fast friends as they bonded over their shared mystery marks, and soon were inseparable. Through the whole thing, Sarah assured him it was a sign of great, amazing things to come. Even when Steve himself wasn't sure this could be the case -- even considering if maybe it meant he didn't have a soulmate -- Sarah assured him the ancient magic wouldn't be so cruel. She didn't pretend to know what it might be, but she firmly believed and raised her son in knowing it could only mean great things were in the stars for him.

As time went on, the word became two, then three, then more, revealing words Steve longed to hear and say to someone someday. Words so full of deep, unwavering love and camaraderie that he couldn’t believe he’d be lucky enough to experience such a deep connection with someone someday, however it did happen. He reminded himself of his ma’s words. _You were meant for greatness, Steven_. And so, he waited for this greatness to manifest itself.

And she wasn't wrong. Even though Sarah Rogers never got to see her son become one of the greatest heroes the world had seen, she had known. Of course, she hadn't anticipated that when Steve lost his best friend during the war, a second line of text would join the first on his arm essentially marking him with two soulmates. Nor would she ever have guessed that one of these other incredible things would involve her precious son saving the world and waking up 70 years in the future.

Or waking up without the sentences he'd grown so attached to no longer on his arm.

When Anthony Edward Stark was born, everyone knew he was special.

His parents didn't know right away that he was a genius, or that all the amazing things he would invent would change the world. They didn't know ahead of time that he would become a superhero who saved the universe more times than he would admit.

Instead, Anthony was special because unlike anyone else in his time -- and his father had asked and asked -- he was born with his soulmark. Everyone knew you only got your soulmark once your soulmate had spoken their last words to you. The words never appeared before then. And yet, Anthony was born with two lines on his very small arm.

As he grew, the lines shifted and changed, letters and then words forming as they had more space, one line fading in and out of existence even. By the time he turned five, two words were on his arm, plain as day, the bottom one sometimes fading away for days or weeks, but always returning.

Doctor after doctor were consulted, none of them able to give the Starks an answer. More than once, Howard attempted to request help from various religious leaders, trying to see if they'd ever seen such a thing, but no one had and no one wanted to speak to the Starks about it, whisperings of the child being cursed following them. The most common hypothesis was that Anthony's soulmate must have passed away already in an accident as a very young child, so the words appeared before being spoken. But no one knew for sure. This had never happened before to anyone's knowledge.

Anthony, being the smart young boy he was, tried to research it as well, but never found a concrete answer. He kept tabs on the odd words, and what kept being added as he grew. When it became obvious the words on both lines professed never ending love, he saw this for what it was (or what he thought it was): the universe's way of telling him he would never find his truest love. He’d heard his parents’ whispered conversations about how he was cursed after all.

Soulmates came in all iterations and he knew for some they were not romantic. Some were even mortal enemies. But the words that kept appearing and forming a longer, more meaningful sentence showed him that this person loved him dearly and truly. And he would never get to meet them.

This was how Anthony became Tony to most. The young genius who had taken over the campus of MIT and was living his best life in the process. What did he have to lose? The words closest to those on his arm tumbled out of his lips with partner after partner, never a care that they might not reciprocate it because the universe had given him free reign to do so. Since he would never find his own true love, what were three little words in the grand scheme of things?

Until one day, Tony Stark woke up in yet another stranger's bed and noticed the text on his arm had vanished.

* * *

“How is this possible? I read your files. Multiple times!” Tony exclaimed as he took in what Steve was telling him. “I’m the only record of anyone ever being born with a soulmark, and now you’re telling me there were two of you all along?”

"Can we not have this conversation naked, please?" Steve pleaded quietly, as he sat back on his heels in Tony's bed.

Tony frowned, grumbling something about wishing he _was_ naked right now, while handing him the shirt he’d just stripped off him and buckling his own jeans up. Steve followed suit after putting his long-sleeved Henley back on.

"Living room?" Tony asked when they were both dressed again and Steve nodded, sliding off the bed and holding out his hand for Tony to take.

They'd been dating for weeks after finally becoming friends following what had been dubbed the battle of New York, where the Avengers defeated the Chitauri. While his first meeting with Tony had been less than ideal for a number of reasons, something had shifted inside him when he'd seen the limp Iron Man armour plummeting from the sky. This had led to him postponing a trip he'd planned on taking and staying in New York instead. And, when Tony had heard Steve had plans to stick around, he invited him to come stay at the tower -- Bruce would be crashing there anyways, might as well make it a team affair.

Through many days and nights of running into each other all over the tower, they’d grown closer than either of them could have imagined, until finally, Steve had clumsily managed something that resembled asking Tony out on a date. Not that Tony knew it was a date. That's how clumsy Steve's ask had been. And he didn't clue in until Steve had leaned in to kiss Tony good night and been left hanging. Tony had finally asked if this was a date after Steve had opened one eye to see Tony just staring back at him with an amused smile, which had made Steve laugh and reply affirmatively. The enthusiastic kiss he got in return was all the confirmation Steve had needed that the not-quite-a-date had gone well.

They'd both wanted to wait before getting too physical, worrying about team dynamics and all the great adulty-coworkery things at play, but it quickly became apparent to both that the chemistry was there, and neither could wait any longer.

They'd skipped a night out, electing to order in instead. They'd planned on watching a movie while they waited for their food delivery to arrive, but a quick kiss had turned into _kissing_ and tongues and roaming fingers under shirts and along waistbands, and before either knew what was happening, they were lying in Tony's bed.

_"What's that?" Tony asked after he pulled off Steve's shirt and noticed the words on his left forearm._

_The answer Steve should have given was the straight fact: his soulmark. What came out instead was, "Oh! That wasn't there this morning." Which was also a fact, but likely not the one to open with in this case._

_"What do you mean it wasn’t there this morning?" Tony asked, pulling away when Steve tried to kiss him again._

_"I didn’t meet my soulmate this morning if that’s what you’re worried about. It's not a big deal," Steve shrugged. "I'll tell you later."_

_"You can't just tell me your soulmark wasn't there this morning and follow it up with ‘it isn't a big deal’," Tony insisted, something in his voice giving Steve pause._

_"What's going on?" Steve asked cautiously._

_Tony sighed before pulling back the sleeve of his own shirt, revealing words of his own. "This wasn't there this morning. Only noticed it when I changed before you came over. I've had this since I was born, and it keeps fading in and out of existence. So yes. Kind of a big deal, Steve."_

_Steve ran his thumb along Tony’s soulmark, a resigned sigh leaving his lips as he realized what this likely meant. "I was born with my soulmark too. Not this one, but… yeah. Bucky- my best friend growing up, he did too. This one showed up after he died. The one I was born with wasn’t there when I woke up_ here _."_

And now, here they were sitting back on the couch with water and wine and a possibly very awkward conversation ahead of them.

“Only two people knew, when I signed up for Rebirth, that I was born with a soulmark. The doctors back then didn’t exactly keep track of things the same way as now, at least not for folks like me and ma. And no one thought it was a big deal back then. I guess people studied them more since? I dunno.

“Dr. Erskine was worried about what the SSR team might think when I first told him I'd always had it, so we decided to lie. Just tell them I’d met my soulmate and they’d died. Made it easier. And Bucky didn’t know I was doing Rebirth, and he just told people off if they asked questions about his, so I knew he wouldn’t say anything. Howard was actually relieved, he figured it made it easier to have someone that wouldn’t be bothered with finding their soulmate while trying to be the hero they were looking for. My mind wouldn’t be somewhere else. And it was easier if I just didn’t make it through the procedure either.”

Tony chuckled humourlessly. “That does sound like dear old dad, yeah,” he mumbled into his glass of water.

Steve was quiet a beat, still trying to reconcile the Howard he’d known with the one who’d been Tony’s father. They seemed so vastly different even in their similarities. He shook the thought from his mind, trying to concentrate instead on the conversation he’d been dreading bringing up with Tony.

"When I read your file, it just stated 'inconclusive' where your soulmate was mentioned. Given the rest of the information SHIELD put in your file, I figured something might have happened-"

Tony let out a loud sound that caught Steve off guard. "You don't have to sugar-coat it, Cap. I can just imagine what that would have looked like to you with no context."

Steve cocked an eyebrow and smiled at Tony. "Who says I wasn't as bad as you, just better at hiding it?" Steve blushed a bit at Tony's shocked expression. "Everyone assumes a whole lot about me. Ma always said I was destined for greatness, even when I was basically on my deathbed from the common cold. And I wanted to believe her but… the only logical explanation for having the soulmark was that my person wasn't around. And that felt so-"

"Isolating? Lonely?" Tony supplied as possibilities. Steve nodded. "Yeah, I get that. I wanted that. What those words meant, I wanted that so much."

"Same."

Tony took a long sip of wine, draining half his glass in the process. "Your mom thought you were destined for greatness? My dad was convinced I was cursed," Tony admitted. “I’ve actually never told anyone that, but it’s true. He ignored me a whole lot. I was a giant ball of disappointment to him. I tried so hard to figure out what was _wrong_ with me. Figured maybe if I could prove it wasn't just me or that it wasn’t a curse, I'd at least get a tiny bit of love from my parents, since I wasn't ever going to find my soulmate. But then they died, so it didn't matter. And then the words were gone, and I got so scared, I pushed everyone away, cause I didn't know what it meant."

"You'd spent so long convincing yourself you'd be alone, that you were scared at the thought that you'd have to find your soulmate the same way as everyone else," Steve filled in.

"Yeah, something like that,” Tony replied, a sad smile on his lips.

Before Steve could tell him he understood and had felt the same when he woke up without the words on his skin, JARVIS informed them their delivery was waiting. Tony got up to get the order while Steve gathered the bottle of wine and glasses and brought them to the table before getting plates and silverware. They moved about the kitchen easily and quietly as they filled their plates and grabbed what was missing from the fridge. Steve knew Tony had more questions; he could feel the nervous energy radiating from the other man. He waited for Tony to ask them, not wanting to rush him into the conversation against his will. It was a lot to take in for both of them.

Steve felt Tony’s foot wrap around his ankle under the table and smiled as he looked up to find Tony looking at him besides him. They leaned into the other’s space, sharing a quick lingering kiss. Tony rubbed his thumb along the few exposed words on Steve’s arm as they resumed eating.

“So, you had no idea Barnes was your soulmate?” he finally asked.

Steve finished chewing his bite, shaking his head. “Had no idea. We just bonded over both of us having weird lines and words on our arms as kids. I didn’t get to see the full sentence on my arm until after the serum- too skinny, I guess. He thought that was hilarious. Then we were inseparable. Part of me fell for him along the way, but I never told him.”

“And he declared his love as the last thing he told you? Must have been hard.” Tony squeezed Steve’s hand and didn’t let go as he took another bite.

“Actually, that’s not the last thing he said,” Steve replied slowly. “I remember that moment vividly, heck, I still have nightmares about it. I didn’t notice the second sentence until that night. Was in a bar somewhere, trying to drink my problems away and realizing that no amount of alcohol no matter how fast I drank gave me more than a 5-minute buzz. Peggy noticed it first and suggested that Bucky had been my soulmate. But I didn’t believe her, cause he never told me he loved me. _‘I had him on the ropes’_. That’s what he said, and then the side of the car got blown… He didn’t say anything else after. So, I didn’t believe it.” Steve realized he’d been holding onto his arm as he spoke and moved it to cover Tony’s, still holding on to his other. “I couldn’t let myself believe I’d lost out on two people who loved me as much as my soulmarks suggested they might have.”

They were quiet a few moments longer, Steve trying to push back the memories of that awful day from his mind. Tony kissed the back of his hand and Steve’s insides bloomed with heat and happiness.

Tony picked up the conversation, his voice soft as he recalled feelings that Steve could only imagine he hadn’t let himself think of in a long time. “I always wondered growing up if mine was just one or two marks, and the second line just wasn’t supposed to be there and that’s why it faded in and out so much. How in the world could I have two soulmates? And when the first one vanished… Things were confusing enough before that.”

“When I woke up, the first thing I did was notice them both missing. And then I noticed I wasn’t where I thought I should be. And, well, you know most of the rest of how that went. I don’t think I breathed a bigger sigh of relief than when the second one came back. I didn’t even question it or wonder why it was. I was just so happy to see it.”

“Seems we’re way more alike than we thought, huh Capsicle?” Tony chuckled, and Steve’s heart flipped. This was his chance. He opened his mouth but before the words could start, Tony was standing and putting their empty plates away in the sink and then pulling him back to the couch where the conversation had started.

Tony curled up into Steve’s side, hugging him tightly around the waist. Steve couldn’t resist running his fingers through Tony’s dark, soft hair. He’d stay right here forever if he could.

“Do you remember the day we met?” Steve asked him.

“Oh gosh, that again? I know your martyr complex is high, but we apologized for all that-”

Steve laughed quietly before kissing Tony’s forehead. “I know. That’s not why I’m bringing it up, promise.”

“Then why?” Tony questioned.

“If you gave me a pen right now, I could re-write my first soulmark exactly as it was above Bucky’s. I actually have done that before, just trying to get that feeling back that things were _normal_.” Steve took a long slow breath in and out before shifting so he and Tony were now sitting face to face, holding his hands. “The first day we met, I was so discombobulated. Fury and Colson had tried to get me up to speed but it was _a lot_ to take in. Then, in walks this- well, only saw it after you took the helmet off, but this gorgeous guy who starts talking and pisses me off right then and there. I really didn’t know what to make of you.

“Now I know it was all nerves and all the stuff we’ve talked about. But there was one thing you said that day that I’d never heard before-”

“The Pilates joke really wasn’t that funny,” Tony cut him off with a nervous laugh, and Steve just knew he was starting to connect the dots of where Steve was going with his train of thought.

“Now that I get it, I can say it wasn’t bad at all,” Steve smirked. He pulled up the sleeve of his shirt and showed Tony a spot right by his wrist. “Bucky and I used to talk about what we thought our soulmarks meant. They never made much sense to either of us, like whoever’d said it spoke a different version of English. The love part was definitely there, we got that loud and clear.”

“Please don’t say what I think you’re about to say, Steve,” Tony whispered under his breath.

“I’m not with you now because I _have_ to be Tony, I’m with you because I _want_ to be. Do not doubt that for a second.” Steve kissed Tony’s forehead before leaning his own against the spot his lips had just occupied. “When you called me Capsicle that day, it was like something just fell into place. I‘ve wanted to tell you about it ever since that day, but I knew it wasn’t fair to you. I didn’t know what we were to each other, but that had been on my skin and I knew it had to mean _something_. Who knows, maybe the Capsicle nickname catches on, and I’m supposed to be with someone completely different. But I want to be with _you_ right now. And something tells me you’re it, and that somehow, we share Bucky too.”

Tony was quiet for a few beats, and Steve couldn’t resist kissing his forehead again and repeating that he did genuinely want to be with him. He’d never doubted that this was his choice, but he had a feeling Tony might not believe him and he was being proven right.

“I don’t want you to tell me what it said,” Tony finally asked, as he shifted their position until they were hugging again. 

“I can do that,” Steve promised. “Don’t stop calling me Capsicle.”

“I’ll try,” Tony chuckled before kissing Steve’s neck. “So. Barnes, huh? I guess he’s kinda cute if you like mouthy brunettes.”

“I seem to have a type, yeah.” Tony laughed and relief washed over Steve. “You’d like him. A lot.”

“We’ll need to figure out what the vanishing act with the marks is all about.”

“Yeah, but not right now.” Steve gently moved Tony’s face so he could look at him properly, kissing him slow and deep and letting his thumb trace his lips when he pulled away. “I’m sorry he thought you were cursed, Tony. I really never thought a few words on my arm would make a difference 100 years in the future.”

“How could you? It’s not your fault Steve, don’t apologize for that. Your mom sounds pretty amazing if she had the complete opposite reaction to Howard.”

“Hm, she was awesome, yeah. But how about, we forget all about that for now, huh? Can I take you to bed and show you just how much I want to be with you?” Steve asked between kisses all along Tony’s cheek and jaw and neck.

“I like that plan very much. Take me to bed, Capsicle.”

* * *

"I know it doesn't feel like it, but he's going to be okay, Steve."

Steve didn't reply, which happened a lot lately. Tony pulled Steve closer, holding him as tight as he could against his chest, hoping it was enough to get through the mass of tense muscle he felt against him. Evenings spent like this, with Steve sprawled on top of Tony on the sofa in the penthouse were becoming an almost nightly occurrence. Both men needing the closeness, even if neither said a thing.

Tony's heart broke for him. For all three of them really. He hated what the last few months had done to Steve, to their relationship. But he knew Steve. He had anticipated that this would happen. From the moment they'd gotten confirmation that Bucky was not only alive but being used as a mind-controlled murder muppet for Hydra, Tony knew Steve wouldn't do well once they had Bucky back, because as he'd suspected, that Bucky wasn't the same one he'd lost. Not completely anyways.

On the flip side, Bucky was doing much better than Tony had anticipated. 

During his fight with Steve at the Triskelion, once he'd realized he knew Steve on some level, the stubborn Brooklyn boy had come out in full force. He had been determined to break free of Hydra's hold on him for a while it seemed, and now, he had a tangible reason to. An actual link to a past he thought long gone. Even if he had run away from Steve and Tony, and tried to hide.

Tony had managed to break the hold Hydra had on him thanks to his new tech. Everyone was pleased with how it had gone, truly. But Bucky hadn't regained most of his memories back. And he didn't remember much about Steve.

This had led to a slightly upset, some would say mopey, Captain America. Tony didn't blame him. He didn't know what he'd do if Rhodey all but forgot about him. Steve spent lots of time alone as a result. And Tony spent more with Bucky.

Even though he didn't have all his memories back, his personality seemed fairly the same as what Steve had described to him over the years. He was funny and smart, loved technology, and was charming as all hell. Tony could see why Steve had fallen for him because he was on the verge himself.

So, on nights like these, when Steve was particularly sad about Bucky not remembering their past, Tony understood to some degree. And he just held him longer and tighter and tried to be the voice of reason that was normally Steve’s job in their relationship.

"What if he never remembers?" Steve asked, not for the first time.

"Then you can tell him about your past. And he can fall in love with you all over again," Tony answered, also not for the first time. It had become a familiar song and dance for them. One Steve didn't seem convinced Tony was right on, but Tony still hoped was the truth.

Steve wrapped his arms around Tony's waist tighter and seemed to soften under his fingers carding in his hair and massaging his scalp. Tony noticed the time and was about to suggest they move to the bedroom before they fell asleep there, when JARVIS informed them that Bucky was on his way up. Before either of them could move, Bucky was in their living room looking frantic.

"Buck, what's wrong?" Steve asked at the same time as Bucky apologized for barging in on them, looking like he might run back out just as quickly. 

"You're not interrupting anything," Tony assured him with a smile as he and Steve sat up. "We told you, you can come up here anytime. All exposed body parts will be hidden before you can enter, promise."

Bucky nodded considering if the offer still applied in this circumstance, not laughing at the innuendo like he normally did when Tony made these types of jokes.

"Come and sit, I'll go get us some water, okay?" Tony told him. He gave Steve a quick kiss on the cheek before getting up. He gave Bucky's right arm a quick squeeze as he passed by, reminding him it was okay and to go sit, everything was fine.

He didn't mention he noticed the way Bucky tensed when Tony touched him. Or how he noticed him rub his left arm after he let go. Tony was deliberately slow in the kitchen, wanting to give Steve a bit of alone time with Bucky. When he returned, he found Steve holding Bucky in his arms, a sad smile on his face.

Tony sat behind Bucky and grabbed one of Steve's hands, placing a lingering kiss on it. He waited until their embrace ended, handing Bucky the water he'd brought him wordlessly. If nothing else, he knew Bucky would appreciate having something to occupy his hands.

"I remembered something," Bucky finally told Tony, not quite catching his gaze. "I wasn't sure if I'd made it up or if it was a memory."

"Based on some of the details, sounds like it was a memory," Steve finished, giving Bucky's knee a squeeze.

"That's great," Tony replied, smiling at the two men. He didn’t need to wait or ask for more, as Bucky started telling him right away.

“Steve told me you don’t want to know about the marks. I get it, I won’t say anything,” Bucky started tentatively, turning the glass between his hands. “I was doing some reading and they mentioned soulmarks and how they show up on your left arm. I’d forgotten about that. And then I just had this flash. It was really short bursts really. I just remembered lots of pain. Enough that it kept making me pass out. I don’t know how long after the train it had been though. I remember looking down and seeing what was left of my arm and words I didn’t recognize there.”

Tony put a hand on his right arm, rubbing his thumb in a soothing circle like he did so often for Steve. He knew just how much Bucky despised his current metal arm, and they were working on an upgrade. He’d also noticed just how much Bucky enjoyed the simple touches on his real arm the few times it had happened. “I’m so sorry you went through that.”

“Bucky just asked me about the words he remembers seeing. I recognized the line that was there back when we knew each other. The other, I don’t know, but it sounds right,” Steve supplied. “I think this really is a memory, in some form.”

“I mean, we can probably use BARF to dig deeper into it if you want,” Tony offered to Bucky, ignoring the smirk that flashed on his lips at the machine’s horrible name. “But we don’t have to either. It sounds like a good thing that some memories are coming back on their own.”

“I’ve had a few like that. Where things I read or see or hear just remind me of moments that feel like they were real, but I don’t know if they were. Some I don’t want to know, but others make me wonder.”

“You can always ask,” Steve told him, his voice soft and earnest. “I promise, nothing is off the table Buck, I won’t lie to you.”

“Some of it though- our life was so different back then. And you’ve obviously moved on from some of it.” Bucky shifted uncomfortably between them, and Tony caught Steve’s gaze. Enough to know exactly what they both thought Bucky was referring to. 

Tony wished he could see Bucky’s face from where he sat behind him. Steve on the other hand looked like he was about to burst. He knew Steve wanted to comfort Bucky, laugh, cry, scream. It was probably killing him just a little bit trying to reign in all those emotions, but he somehow managed.

“I probably haven’t moved on as much as you think I have,” he answered with a smirk. “We don’t need to talk about any of this now-”

“No,” Bucky cut him off looking from Steve to Tony. “I mean, I want to. If you’re okay with it?”

They both agreed they were and would stop at any point if Bucky wanted to.

“Did we ever… were we a thing?” Bucky asked, turning to Steve but still looking at Tony out of the corner of his eye from time to time.

“Nothing ever happened between us, no,” Steve started, his voice turning fond as he continued. “You were my best friend, and I never wanted anything to happen to ruin that, as cliché and dumb as that might sound. Losing you was one of the worst days of my life, Buck. I loved you so much. I never stopped.”

Bucky looked shocked as he turned from Steve to Tony, looking like he might get up and run.

“It’s okay,” Tony reassured him gently. It was his turn to want to comfort Bucky, hold him tightly against his chest and promise everything would be okay. “I know.”

The words seemed to calm him and Bucky sat back against the couch, processing what Steve had just told him.

“I just have this _feeling_ whenever flashes of my past involving you pop up. I can’t explain it, but I feel safe? Somehow you made me feel safe, even the memories where you’re this tiny little thing. There’s more but I don’t know if it’s the same-” Bucky trailed off.

“It’s okay if it’s not, Bucky. I feel the same as I did back then, I’ll take any piece of you in my life that I can have.”

Bucky turned to Tony .“And, you’re okay with this? Even after everything I’ve done?”

“We’ve talked about that. It wasn’t you, Bucky. None of that was you. I think we were meant to find you, Bucky. I was meant to find both of you.” Tony took one of each of their hands in his. “Like Steve and I always remind each other, I’ll tell you the same: this is your choice. You have a choice, and if you want to leave, I’ll respect that. If you want Steve all to yourself, I mean you might have to fight me for him but if that’s what he wants too, it is your choice. And if you want both of us, you have us. But just because we know we had those marks, doesn’t mean this is any less of a choice. For you included.”

Bucky seemed slightly shocked yet relieved at the admission. Tony wasn’t sure just how much of either soulmark Bucky had remembered seeing, but if it was anything like the ones he and Steve had, they conveyed love and happiness. And one thing him and Steve had come to realize over the years was that endings weren’t always due to heartache and breakups.

They didn’t have normal lives by any means for so many reasons. And contrary to what Tony’s younger self had believed, he now knew that people could leave each other even when they deeply loved each other for a whole host of reasons. He and Steve reminded each other regularly that this was their choice. They loved each other, deeply, and chose this for themselves. Even on the bad days. The hard days. The days that didn’t seem worth the time or effort. They chose each other. And they were very willing to choose Bucky too, if that was his wish. Tony already knew Steve loved him, and the more time he spent with Bucky, the more he understood why. 

“You don’t have to decide anything now, Buck,” Steve told him with a soft laugh when Bucky hadn’t said anything in a while. “We won’t force anything on you. Tony means it, I promise you have choices. We both care about you, a lot. We just want you to be happy.”

“I think I always knew I loved you. Even right in the beginning,” Bucky told Steve. “I think that’s what that safety feeling is. I just didn’t realize it until it was too late.”

“He’s good at making people feel safe. And it really isn’t too late, James. Promise,” Tony chimed in with a wink. And then a yawn.

“I should probably let you guys get to bed,” Bucky replied sheepishly. Before he could make a move to get up, Tony’s hand was on his chest, keeping him in place.

“Just because I’m old and need more beauty sleep than you two, doesn’t mean you have to stop talking. I’ll see you two tomorrow.” He placed a quick kiss to Bucky’s cheek before he could truly think of it. Bucky’s responding smirk and raised eyebrows were good enough to stop his mind from thinking he’d messed up too much.

He awkwardly manoeuvred around Bucky to kiss Steve, wishing him good night.

“I love you,” Steve smiled fondly at him, pulling him in for another kiss.

“I know,” Tony replied earnestly against his lips.

He made a quick exit after that, going through the motions of his bedtime routine on autopilot. And he wasn’t surprised to find them still on the couch the next morning, Bucky fast asleep on top of Steve.


	2. Goodnight not Goodbye

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I mentioned before, this section gets a bit bittersweet, but I do hope you enjoy it! Please let me know in the comments :) Thank you for sticking around if you did. It means the world!

“I’m sorry, who’s that on the line, Steven? It kinda looks like my husband, but I don’t I recognize him,” Tony answered, turning around in bed so he could look at the screen.

“You are such a brat,” Bucky replied with a broad smile and laughter in his tone.

“And yet, you looooooove me,” Tony replied with the same smile and tone, as he snuggled in closer to Steve.

“Although can you still be a brat at your age, old man?” Bucky snarked, earning himself a grimace from Tony.

“You two are ridiculous,” Steve chuckled as he kissed Tony’s mostly grey hair, and shifted his phone so Tony was back in the shot.

“And yet, you looooooove us,” Tony said again, this time looking at Steve.

“I fucking do,” Steve whispered as he kissed him again.

“Tony’s done a number on ya, Stevie. The mouth on you now,” Bucky added playfully over the phone.

“For the millionth time, you know that’s not true. I was actually worse when we were kids, and you know it.”

Bucky laughed over the phone. “I missed you guys.”

“I wish you’d retire already. Learn to be a spoiled house husband. Steve’s doing great at it,” Tony replied.

“I am retired. Just like doing consulting work when they need me,” Bucky told him once again, and Steve smiled fondly at the huff Tony let out instead of what he had no doubt his husband wanted to say. _But I need you more_ , Tony usually replied in these instances.

“We missed you too,” Steve chimed in for both of them. “What’s your ETA?”

“Ri said she’s going as fast as Stark’s tech will let her and has threatened to re-wire the whole thing a few times. We should be home really early in the morning,” Bucky assured them.

“Early enough to bring me breakfast in bed?” Tony asked.

“I stand corrected. _Spoiled_ brat is what you are,” Bucky glared softly. “I’ll see what I can do. Got any special requests, your majesty?”

“I’m sure I’ll think of something before we hang up,” Tony answered with a yawn.

They chatted for almost an hour, filling each other in on what had happened in New York while Riri and Bucky had been called away, simply happy to be able to finally talk to each other. In the past few years, they had thankfully not had to be apart too often, let alone not be able to talk at all. It weighed on all of them when they did. As much as they teased each other, it was true -- none of them were getting any younger. Steve and Tony always had a moment, just a small moment, where they’d check their arm after one of them left. To the point where they now wore long sleeved shirts through the whole time one of them was away. It seemed silly at first, but it eased all their minds once they’d realized parts of each of their soulmarks had made their way into their wedding vows some 30 years ago now.

When they all started sounding tired, Steve announced it was time for bed, and that Bucky should consider doing the same on his end.

And that was the moment Steve now knew his whole world would absolutely change.

“Eggs benedict,” Tony mumbled instead of goodnight.

“What?” Steve laughed.

“That’s what I want for breakfast in bed. I haven’t had those in forever. It’d be good.” Tony looked up at Steve who just shook his head.

“I don’t think Buck knows how to make them, do you?” Steve asked as he looked back at the screen, noticing Bucky shake an odd look off his face.

“No, I don’t think I’ve ever made them,” he replied quietly.

“Good thing you have time to study on the ride over. Must be a video online somewhere to teach you to make hollandaise sauce. I’m fairly sure we have everything here too, so you don’t even have to make a stop at the store on the way. Can you imagine the parking lot situation if you had to make Ri land that thing at Target?”

Steve laughed but Bucky barely cracked a smile, and before Steve could ask what was wrong, Tony spoke words neither of them were ready to hear out loud.

“FRIDAY? We have everything we need to make eggs benny here, right?”

“Steve-” Bucky mumbled, his face crumpling further.

Steve now understood why Bucky had tensed up and was starting to look mildly panicked.

“I know, Buck,” was all Steve could answer, as Tony blissfully ignored them and listened to FRIDAY rattle off ingredients, confirming they had everything needed.

_“At least yours says_ love _. Who the heck is Benny, and what’s he got against eggs?”_ Steve heard a young James Barnes’s voice resonate in his ears over and over, picturing them perfectly, sitting on the front steps of the building where they used to live on a warm July night in the late 1920s. Every sight and sound and smell flooding Steve’s memory in rapid succession before Tony nudged him gently.

“Did I lose you there?” Tony asked with a curious raise of his brow.

“Sorry, just getting tired I think,” Steve answered quietly.

“Yeah, same,” Tony replied as he once again burrowed into Steve’s neck. “Don’t wanna hang up though. Wish you were home.”

“You have no idea how much I wish I was home too right now, sweetheart,” Bucky answered softly, and Steve’s heart clenched tighter than it ever had in his chest as he watched Bucky rub his metal arm where he knew the words had been years ago, and yet the memory clear as day in both their minds he was sure.

Maybe Howard had been right. The words felt cursed right now, but not for the reason he’d let Tony believe they were, and the ones Steve had worked so hard to make Tony forget when they’d first met and started dating.

Tony continued chattering away tiredly, not noticing both super soldiers were growing unusually quiet. Steve not wanting to take up time he knew might be in short supply for Bucky and Tony now, even if he had no idea which of them he might be losing in the process. His heart was in his throat, and he wasn’t even sure he could muster up words if he tried anyways.

“Okay, I’m gonna go to the bathroom, you two wrap this up so we can go to bed already,” Tony announced as he got out of bed and started towards the ensuite.

When the door closed behind him, Steve saw tears roll down Bucky’s cheeks, and it took everything in him not to do the same.

“Steve, what the fuck?” Bucky whispered, as he let his head fall forward.

“I don’t know, babe. I- _shit_! I wish you were home right now.”

“Me too. I love you, Steve. I hope you know how much I love you. Fuck I wish I could kiss you right now.”

Steve nodded, knowing if he said anything right now, he’d lose his composure and Tony would know something was wrong.

“Don’t tell Riri anything, okay?” Steve finally said after he’d taken a few steadying breaths. “I know it sucks, but there’s no point. She’ll just worry more.”

Bucky nodded quickly, taking a deep breath of his own. “I’ve loved you from the beginning, and that’s not gonna change ‘til the end of the line, sweetheart,” Bucky reminded him firmly.

“I know,” Steve answered quietly, rubbing his arm over his long-sleeved sleep shirt. “You were my first love and nothing’s ever going to change that, plain and simple. You were always my compass, pointing the right way, and I’ll never stop loving you either, Bucky.”

“You two being sappy while I’m away? You were supposed to hand up,” Tony asked with a laugh as he walked back in the bedroom.

“Yeah, something like that,” Steve chuckled as he handed the phone to Tony. “You do the hanging up part, I gotta-” he pointed to the bathroom and blew a quick kiss to Bucky who returned the gesture.

“My two big softies,” Steve heard Tony say as he settled himself in bed while Steve closed the door behind him, giving them as much privacy as he could.

He turned on the water and splashed his face with cold water, washing away tears that had finally spilled over. They’d all known this day would come, but Steve could never have imagined what it might look like, what it might feel like, to know he was about to lose one of the men he loved more than anything in this world. The very thought had hurt too much to think of and now here they were.

Steve wiped his face quickly before going back in their room. Looking as neutral as he could muster.

“Steve’s back, I gotta go,” Tony laughed. “Goodnight, hot stuff. I love you with my whole damned heart, ARC reactor and all, James, but don’t bother coming home without eggs benny in bed.”

Steve stopped short. There it was. The last sentence he’d ever tell Bucky.

“I’ll start learnin’ how to make ‘em as soon as I hang up, love. You can have all the eggs you want,” Bucky replied, and Steve could easily imagine by his tone that he was trying to hold in tears. “Goodnight, sweetheart. I love you with my whole heart too, Anthony, and nothing’s ever gonna change that fact.”

Tony smiled as he made a kissy face to Bucky and then hung up. He threw the phone on its charging pad by the bed then made grabby hands at Steve, who couldn’t help but smile. Even at their age, Tony still acted the same as when they first started dating, and Steve loved every second of it.

Steve got under the covers in bed and pulled Tony in tight against him, inhaling his shampoo as he kissed his forehead.

“I’m so happy we found each other,” Steve told him, which made Tony laugh.

“You too? Bucky said the same thing a minute ago.”

“Must be something in the air,” Steve shrugged.

“I swear if the public knew how sentimental you and Buckaroo can be, they’d never believe me,” Tony replied as he tipped his head back so he could kiss Steve properly. Steve smiled at the soft moan that rumbled in Tony’s throat as he kept him in place just a bit longer than Tony had obviously expected. “Mmm, I love you too, babe. Still makes me sad you were a sleeping Capsicle for so long, but I’m happy it brought you to me too.”

Steve wanted to say so much more, never fall asleep really, but Tony’s yawn reminded him it was late. 

“Goodnight, honey. Never ever forget how much I love you. How much we both love you. You’re my north star, shining bright when things seem bleak, and I’ll love you forever, Tony, I promise you.”

Tony looked at him without a word for a second, taking him in, and Steve wondered if he’d guessed what him and Bucky had deciphered not long ago. He ran his fingers in Steve’s lighter coloured hair, likely biting down a comment on the fact that he was finally turning grey. 

“If this is what being cursed is, I will choose this every day of our life Steve,” Tony started with a soft smile, his hand tracing his face softly as he spoke. “I don’t care if those words weren’t supposed to be meant for us, because I will choose you and us forever and ever. I will love you if we have a day or a hundred years left, I don’t care and the universe can fuck right off, cause it’s always been you, Capsicle, no one else.”

Steve leaned in to kiss Tony, lingering and taking as much as he could, before Tony pulled away long moments later and settled against his chest without another word, holding and breathing each other in, as memories of their wedding day flooded Steve’s mind. The joy and happiness a sharp contrast to the bittersweet feeling taking over his heart as they fell asleep.

* * *

“Morning,” Bucky grumbled as he walked past Steve in the kitchen on his way to the coffee machine, kissing his shoulder along the way as he always did.

Steve didn’t move or respond.

Bucky turned and was about to ask if he was okay when he noticed what Steve was looking at. 

Three coffee mugs on the counter in front of him.

“Stevie-” Bucky started saying as he moved to wrap his arms around him.

“I forgot,” Steve whispered, eyes glued to the mug he held delicately, like it might break if he did anymore than graze his fingers upon it. “I forgot.”

Bucky curled himself into Steve’s side, holding him as tightly as he could in the position, while Steve repeated that he’d forgotten over and over as he fell apart in Bucky’s arms, still holding the mug.

Tony’s favourite mug.

Bucky held him as they crumbled to the ground, leaning against the counter as Steve cried in his lap, just like he’d done every day the first week they’d been without Tony. That had been a month ago. Things had gotten progressively better, but they’d both lost a large piece of their life that morning, and they both still had moments that were harder than others. 

Bucky kept rubbing his fingers through Steve’s hair and reminding him how much he loved him, amongst a slew of comforting things he knew Steve wasn’t ready to believe just yet. Some days even Bucky didn’t believe they’d ever feel whole again, that they’d ever be able to think of Tony without a stabbing pain in their chest instead of the love they still felt for him. This was just as much for him as it was for Steve, really. He had to believe they’d be okay again.

“When I went on that run yesterday afternoon,” Bucky started when Steve’s breathing had evened out, “I got to the other side of the lake and I had to stop. And I screamed so loud. It felt like the only way to let go of what I was feeling. I just screamed until my throat hurt. I think I scared every creature around. I’m surprised you didn’t hear me.”

Steve let out a hiccupping laugh and turned to look up at Bucky. “I was in the gym destroying a punching bag with music on so loud I’m surprised I didn’t blow out the windows. Couldn’t’a heard you if you were in the house with me.”

“Well, we’re clearly coping great,” Bucky laughed sadly, making Steve laugh a bit. “I love you.”

“Me too.” Steve sat up and leaned against Bucky’s shoulder, looking down at the mug in his hands, letting his thumb trace the shield and red star on either side of it. “I don’t know why, I woke up this morning and I didn’t even question Tony not being in bed. It’s like, I thought he was in the shop or something. I pulled out the mugs, and started making coffee, and I set it for the smaller amount like we’ve started doing and that’s when it clicked, but I had the mug right there…”

“Shhh, it’s okay, sweetheart,” Bucky soothed him, rubbing his arm gently. “None of it has to make any sense right now. Grief isn’t one size fits all.”

“I miss him,” Steve sighed. “I don’t know what I’d do if you weren’t here to go through this with me.”

“Me too.” Bucky smiled sadly, as a memory popped in his head. “You know he made me promise I’d take care of you, and not let you mope around this place?”

“What?”

“Yeah, you were… I don’t remember where actually, but it was just me and him here. We were in bed together, and he made me promise that no matter what happened, I’d make sure you weren’t all sad and mopey forever.”

“I do not mope,” Steve interjected, grumbling the words.

“Sure thing, Captain Mopes-a-lot,” Bucky laughed. He kissed Steve on the head, and heard an affronted huff come from Steve. “I’m kidding. But right now, it’s okay to mope a bit. And be angry, and sad, and all those other things. Tony seemed to know that even with our jobs, we’d be around longer.”

“Futurist man.” Steve ran his fingers along the tattoo Bucky had gotten on his arm, a copy of his soulmark. “When was this?”

“Five? Six years ago now? He wasn’t sad when we talked about it, just his usual pragmatic self, like it was a piece of a puzzle he needed to know was in place. And he knew you’d take it hard. That we both would, but at different times. And he had to make sure to cover his basses, even though I’d never let you deal with any of this alone. He just needed to know for his peace of mind. I swear, he knew us better than we do, and I’ve known your ass longer. He loved you so much, Stevie.”

“He loved you too,” Steve replied, with so much conviction, he made Bucky laugh.

“I know he did. And I know he knew I loved him just as much as I love you too. But right now, you’re the one that needs to hear it. And at some point, the roles’ll be reversed, and you’ll be holding me while I meltdown and reminding me of that.”

“Thanks,” Steve replied. He kissed Bucky’s shoulder and stayed curled into his side for a while longer, until he finally got up and poured them each a cup of coffee, placing Tony’s mug on the counter where he could still see it. He handed Bucky his own once he joined him at the counter. “Can we spend the day in bed? Just ignore the world. I promise it’s not me moping, I just need a day.”

“We can absolutely do that. Whatever you need, babe. Even if it’s more than a day.”

“I was thinking maybe we can go into the city tomorrow. Maybe spend a couple days there? It’s been a while.”

“You miss the pizza, dontcha?”

“Like you don’t?” They both laughed, knowing there was only truth in the statement. “Maybe we can make a reservation at that Italian place we used to go to?”

Bucky nodded. He kissed Steve before starting towards their room. “I’ll make the hotel reservation. Join me in bed when you’re ready,” he called out to Steve as he grabbed the tablet from the kitchen table along the way.

"FRI? Can you queue up Season 4, _Open Mic_ , please?" Bucky asked as he crossed into their bedroom.

"Certainly, Sargent."

"That's my girl," he smiled. “Well, you’d called it, sweetheart,” he told no one in particular as he proceeded to fluff up the pillows against the headboard. “I know you knew we'd take care of each other but thanks for the heads up. Definitely helped. I miss you, with my whole heart, but I think we’ll be okay. In time.”

“What was that?” Steve asked as he walked in seconds later.

“Nothing,” Bucky smiled as he plopped himself in bed and patted the spot next to him. Then he noticed what Steve was holding. “Seriously? Ice cream for breakfast?"

"And coffee. I'm a grown ass adult, I can choose to eat ice cream for breakfast if I want."

"You know we have cake leftover too, right?"

Steve's eyes grew before he gave Bucky his saddest puppy dog eyes.

"You're lucky you're cute," Bucky answered him with a kiss before he went to grab more treats in the kitchen, returning with a platter full. He found Steve tracing the words on his arm absentmindedly, fresh tears rolling on his cheeks.

"I'm okay, it's nothing," he quickly told Bucky when he got back in bed with him, tray abandoned at the foot of the bed.

"It's not nothing, Steve. Let me take care of my husband when he's sad," Bucky replied, making Steve chuckle. "Ice cream and TV to start?"

"Yeah, that's perfect," Steve replied. He grabbed a spoon and a pint of ice cream they bought from a small local shop. Before he could open his mouth, an episode from their favourite show from when they'd just started dating was playing, and Steve's lips were on Bucky's. "I love you."

"Me too, Stevie," Bucky replied with another press of their lips. "'Til the end of the line."


End file.
